]I have reason to believe that Heather (Polly Esther herself!) viewed my blog. This is my only evidence . . . and there’s a comment about Ned Flanders (no e-mail or webpage given) that resembles the style of the filler I’d been reading faithfully for five years before it was untimely ripp’d from the web. I am a filler junkie, but I’ve never proposed.

Now you may think, “Patrick, you’re such a dumbass. She probably didn’t even stay long enough to read down to the gigolo snippet. You think she commented? HA! It was probably just one of her web fanboys stalking her by the from the pages she’s linked from! Get a life. She’s just a web columnist for God’s sake!” Fine. So what? I’m a fanboy. Big deal. Does that mean that I’m on the next flight to wherever she lives armed with a high powered telescope and rubber gloves to pick through her garbage? No. I like what she writes and think she’s freakin’ hilarious. Maybe she’ll come back, maybe she won’t; maybe she wasn’t even here. But listen up and listen good; she’s not just a web columnist.

She’s like the OG of web columnists. She’s been in the game for years, pimpin’ page hits like they were sitting around a table under a pink light at 12:00 AM in a Chinese hair salon. Picture this: you’re playing H-O-R-S-E on the hoop that’s nailed to your garage and Larry Bird stops by and asks for a quick game. That’s what it would be like if she came by and read my pathetic drivel.

Still, if she was here, didn’t like my stuff, and is never to come back, THE Heather Havrilesky came by and pooped on my blog.