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Stopless go-go
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Stopless go-go

I Left for NYC at 12:45 and forgot to set Outlook’s Out-Of-Office Assistant to my typical away message of, “On Vacation; Sleep tight, ya morons!” Meg Ryan completely lost her status as attractive in “Kate & Leopold” on the in-bus movie to the city. I got to Jason’s apartment at about eight and we proceeded to pour much Grey Goose and Kahlua down our gullets. Jason’s an avid collector of fine films, so I was treated to a quick viewing of “Black Beach 2000,” then we went to see the real thing. Granted that I’m not a big strip club guy, I have to say that when my man Jason invites me somewhere, I know the event won’t disappoint. It didn’t.

We got there and the bouncer made me open my jacket to be searched for weapons. Now I’ve been searched for weapons before, but this has been restricted to airports until now. Right there, the trip was worth it; I was a suspect. Two skinny white guys walk into a Tribeca all-black strip club and they’re searched for weapons. I almost sued for racial profiling on the spot.

Of course, we stuck out like sore freakin’ thumbs in the place. Watched a couple shows, threw a couple singles around. I learned that the correct way to get singles at a strip club was to simply go and ask the bartender for singles. They should make ATMs that just dispense singles, or change machines . . . consider those two ideas patented. I’m gonna make a fortune!

We left to meet Jason’s girlfriend, Jolene, who would be babysitting for the rest of the night, because by that time we were absolute puddles. We went to a famous bar called The Knitting Factory, and I don’t remember what happened after that. Jason and Jolene told me that I came down to meet them wearing a sweater. Apparently this was the conversation:

Jason: Dude, is that your sweater?

Me: Uhhh, I don’t think so.

Jason: Then take it off!

Me: Come on, dude. I lost my jacket.

I did lose my jacket. The thing was a knock-off Hugo Boss that I got in Shanghai for $16; I wasn’t too attached to it.

That was it. I made the decision when I woke up the next morning that I was too drunk. If I have a fun-as-hell night like that again, I’m gonna need to be able to remember it.

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