This article is laughable. Here’s an excerpt:

“We receive thousands of cases a year that we need to investigate, and we take every single case seriously,” says Coggins. “From someone who writes a rambling love letter, to a person intercepted at an airport with a weapon heading to D.C., to a drunken person at a bar overheard saying ‘I want to kill the president;’ we’re worried about all those cases.”

Secret Service staff turn every threat against the president inside out.

Huh? They follow up on every drunk, gun totin’ redneck that doesn’t agree with presidential policy? How many death threats are made each day, anyway? I’m sure at some point in time I’ve said, “Oh man! I’m gonna kill that asshole,” after being cut off on the highway. But would local cops follow up on those kinds of death threats, you know, just to make sure that I’m not a threat to society?

There are only thirteen links on google for the search string “I want to kill the president,” one being the aforementioned and number one link. There are 23,500 for “I want to kill.” More people want to kill guys than girls. Nobody wants to kill George or Dick Cheney, but someone wants to kill me. I hope the secret service is onto these guys. I fear for my life.

So if I made a threat against the president, how quickly would the Office of Homeland Security be breathing down my neck? The guy searching the internet for these threats will be thinking to himself, “Why do I remember this one . . . It seems really familiar, but I can’t put my finger on it . . . Oh yeah! School girls fucking teachers!”

Would my site be flagged by the FBI? Would they track my internet usage? Would they delete all my kiddie porn? Would they come to my house? Would they take my DVD collection? Threatening the president probably wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do, seeing as the US government could bring a world of hurt on me for all the conspiring I’ve done. So I’m just going to say unequivocally, no, Mr. President. I don’t want to kill you. I don’t want to kill the president. I do not want to kill George W. Bush.

Just as long as his motorcade never cuts me off.