At a club last night, I was offered cocaine. This was the third time I’d been asked but it was the first time that I actually watched people do it.

The club is pretty nice . . . good music and fairly inexpensive beer. I go to the place often, but I don’t usually bother going into the club since they sell the best corn-on-the-cob on the face of the Earth outside. A guy started talking to me, and when I finished the corn, he said “You like this?” and then turned his face to the ground, put his arms out and started shaking uncontrollably. I said sure and followed him into the club. I didn’t know what the fuck it meant, but I was going to find out what the hell he was talking about.

I went into their private room, and there were a bunch of people all around a table doing that same stupid shit the guy was doing in the parking lot. Some dude was standing in the corner switching the light in the room on and off real fast. One guy did a line with a straw in one nostril and a cigarette in the other. A girl fell off the table everyone was doing coke from . . . the whole scene was completely ridiculous. It was like a bad D.A.R.E. ad with better music and no Brad Kane.