Rice To Riches

My favorite sign in Rice To Riches has to be “No Skinny Bitches.” Partially because it rhymes with the name of the place, partially because I like my women with a little meat on ’em, and partially because they just don’t lie to you here. The signage is quite a refreshing change from everything else you see that says how healthy their crap is and how low carb or saturated fat free everything is. My current favorite is the Hellman’s label with the large print proudly displaying 0 NET CARBS; like mayonnaise is such a healthy thing to think I’d be worried about a goddamn carb or two.

Cotton Candy, now with 0 TRANS FAT! Eat the shit out of this cotton candy and then hit the park with your Ironman stroller. GET SOME!

One of the other things I thought was interesting – there’s a list of items that they charge for, and one of them is “indecision.” Come on! Look at this:

You’re trying to tell me that you can just put thirty flavors out, and all we have to go on is two tastings (that’s all you get), a name, and the color of the rice, and you want to make people feel bad for not knowing what they want? I mean, it doesn’t look too terribly delicious (the yellow one looks like a bowlful of soupy, buffet-style scrambled eggs), but the names are sexy, so you don’t know what to believe. Trying two will give you a “this one is better than that one” but you really need three to say “this one is amazing, these other two are just fine.”

Technically I had the Fluent in French Toast with Mischief:

That’s French Toast rice pudding with Buttery Graham Cracker Crumble. Initially, I was just going to go with the straight rice pudding, but when I looked at my lonely rice pudding, staring back at me from his little flying saucer type thing temporary home, he gave me those puppy-dog eyes like he wanted someone to come along with him for the short trip he was about to take directly into my belly. I had about 45 minutes of train ride to go before I got home, and I wasn’t expecting any of this little guy to see the end of the line.

Holy shit, this stuff is amazing. Of all the bites I had last week, this was the one I’ll be back for the soonest. You’re not going to get this anywhere else in Manhattan, I can assure you of that. The sweet, creamy rice touched off with a buttery and tad salty graham cracker finish just blew my mind. I sometimes I take a bite of something redonkulous (I think that’s how the critics say it) and do a little happy food dance. If you have never done a happy food dance (wiggling in your seat counts), kindly get the fuck off of my website.

I was doing this happy-food dance on the Prince street platform, and as the N rolled in, the MTA attendant lined up exactly where I was standing. She was infatuated.

“OOOOhhhh! Where’d you get that? That looks gooood!” she said. I felt like I was making everyone else on the platform jealous, (but only if they were other foodies, I’m sure). Buttery Graham Cracker topping over French Toast Rice … I can only hope the other flavor combinations are as magical.

Rice, of course, is plenty healthy by itself, but when you add butter, sugar, eggs, and milk, all that healthy shit just flies right out the window. Add insult to injury by adding the buttery graham cracker crumble, and you’re not going to drop any lbs. on a strict diet of this stuff.

Not that you care, because let’s face it, you ain’t no skinny bitch.

Rice To Riches
37 Spring St
New York, NY 10012
(212) 274-0008