Live Blogging The Next Food Network Star – Week 8

Chicago was awesome! If you haven’t checked it out – you can see me judging the semi-finals of the Sears Chef Challenge by clicking here. I will have to figure out a way to rip that and cut just the pieces with me in it. I love Chicago food, but if I make it to New Year’s without eating another hot dog or slice of pizza, it will be too soon. We went to Kuma, Pequod’s, Jimmie’s, Jim’s, Johnnies, Al’s, Gene’s and Jude’s, Pita Inn, Portillo’s (twice), Gino’s, Uno’s, Pucci’s, Calumet, Paramount (?), All I ate this weekend was meat, cheese, hot peppers, and bun or crust. I need some vitamin C

9:00 – Let’s send home Artie this week! Come on, judges!

9:01 – Is Herb crying? Dude. Get a grip. I just saw the episode of the Sopranos where Johnny Sack Cries at his Daughter’s wedding. I don’t know which is more worthy of getting whacked, Vito getting busted in the gay club or Johnny Sack bawling as he gets taken away by the feds.

9:03 – Oh this is so fucking touching. Aria gets to see her son. Hey, I got an idea. Why don’t you guys send her packing this week so she can go back to seeing him full time? Whattaya say, Bob? Bobby? Suzie? Why didn’t you kick her off last week? Like Suzie said, she’s forgettable. She’s not going to become memorable with another week in front of the Camera. Serena could have slowed her pace down and stopped singing with a few more tips from you guys, but nothing’s going to take the average out of Aria.

9:04 – Now, we get to see the douchebag who greenlighted the 5 minute ukelele interlude in Artie’s videos.

9:05 – What the fuck, everyone is crying here? Reality TV must be more psychologically taxing than I thought.

9:06 – The twist is that they have to use their least favorite ingredient in their dish … Mine would have been Chicken Liver.

9:07 – Giada: I don’t know if I want to be along for the roller coaster ride of emotions that comes with Herb. Think about production when a guy is beating himself up about how good he is every time you’re trying to shoot an episode … rough.

9:17 – Todd English is guest hosting, Herb calls him an Uber-Celebrity chef. I wasn’t excited about the flagship Olive’s in Boston … Does he even have a Michelin Star?

9:18 – For this challenge, they all get an emotion and have to create a dish from that emotion. Who comes up with this shit?

9:19 – Brad: I’m excited to cook for Eva Longoria – she’s an attractive lady, and I enjoy cooking for attractive ladies. Well said, Brad. Well said.

9:20 – Artie: I don’t know how to put fear on a plate. Just think back to week three where your affirmations included “I’m not good enough,” “I shouldn’t be here,” and “I can’t do this.” You’ll be fine.

9:21 – Mofungo. Never heard this word before and it’s the second time for me hearing it today. I needs to try me some Mofungo. It sounds like a great wrestling name. Maybe Herb can don a Luchador mask to present this? Perhaps a grey one with a solitary tear?

9:26 – Herb: Beso is the hottest restaurant in LA (for people that normally eat at Friday’s).

9:31 – Tom killed it. Way to go, Big Chef.

9:37 – Artie: My emotion was fear, and I think it really came out in my presentation today. The judges don’t like it … Will they give her a free pass this week, or will someone else fuck the presentation harder than she did?

9:40 – Short Ribs, Scallops, Plantains fried in pork fat and bacon? Herb – that sounds goddamn delicious. I don’t know what it tastes like but I want it.

9:38 – Aria’s emotion is joy, and she decided that she’d go with a Sunday Dinner theme – he dish looks nothing like Sunday dinner. Why the hell are you putting a salad on top of a breaded filet? Looks more like the emotion you’re going for is “Soggy.”

9:46 – So Aria and Artie are the bottom of the barrel this week. I’d call that a win-win. Brad is in there, too – come on, guys. Do the right thing and send one of the girls home.

9:54 – My camera was out of batteries. Sorry about the lack of pics this week.

9:58 – COME ON! You guys know Aria will never have a show. I say we boycott the rest of the show. I swear that Suzie and Bob are looking at daytime demographic numbers as they’re voting here. Have you seen some of the daytime shows on the Food Network? They’re painful. Why would you want to watch some of these people make food for half an hour is beyond me.

They dropped the ball on this one. Some production company should pick Brad up and groom him for a show this year. I can’t decide which was a bigger travesty; choosing Aria over Brad or Serena. She should have gone home weeks ago.