8:59 – Ready? Today I’ve been drinking a bit, so it might be better. Are you watching this cake show? Has any one of these chefs ever seen the Simpsons? Their characters look awful. At least Joan Cusack isn’t a judge this week.
9:01 – This isn’t going to happen, but will you all pray with me that Artie gets kicked off this week. I’ve been getting a lot of traffic for Google searches of “Artie food network star.” I’m going to keep rocking it.
9:02 – I’m voting that Tom puts his dick in the popcorn box.
9:07 – Pomme Flat? Boring pun. Who’s the editor that greenlighted that? Giada is craftier that “pomme flat.”
9:14 – Who Is Kobe Calay?
9:17 – WTF is anyone going to do with MGD 64? It has no flavor. Those two are fucked.
9:20 – That is a shitload of cardamom, dude. Well, yeah, you put the whole bottle of the spice in there. Cardamom is strong. Were you making jerk for 50 people?
9:27 – Hey Serena, it was an accident … or was it? Nice move, Brianna.
9:28 – Why do I care what Kobe Callet thinks about how this tastes? For all I know, she likes Burger King Ribs.
9:30 – The French love frisÃ©e? The last thing they’re known for is salad.
9:42 – If Paul wasn’t gay, I would say that him and Serena were a match made in heaven. I love their honeymooners-like dialog. TO THE MOON, SERENA!
9:47 – SOMETIMES we stepped on each other!? I need a screen grab of Dzintra laughing like a wicked rat. That would be gold.
9:56 – Team Sexy won in part because Brianna is a Ruthless biatch! I love her more every show.
9:59 – They wanted to kick this girl off in week one, in week two, and they finally got her in week three. I have to agree, she was just weird. They didn’t make us love her, either. Dzintra, we hardly knew ya.