Live Blogging The Next Food Network Star – Week 2

I’m back – hopefully funnier this time!
9:00 – Wish they would show that part where Alexis cried again.
9:03 – Aarti has a really simple step, that means she’s gonna fuck it up. Aaaaannnnd she fucked it. Now she’s crying. Has anyone who cried in a challenge ever won this show? I doubt it.
9:06 – Nice, Brad. Nice.
9:08 – Brad: I’m not “Engaging” the camera. I don’t “shower regularly.”
9:13 – Are you guys not allowed to talk about the movie “Big” without owing someone some money?
9:19 – It’s raining, and now the cable is blipping in and out. Never goes the way you want it to. Last week, I guess I was stealing someone else’s internet (my friend renamed hers from ‘linksys’ and didn’t tell me).
9:26 – The sound is going out right when my favorite people to slam are talking. But Doreen’s pulled pork looks like ham, so that’s good.
9:31 – Shit. Artie “blew it.” That means she nailed it. She probably won the immunity necklace this round, and she never even had funnel cake before. People were describing fried dough to her before – fried dough and funnel cake are two different things.
9:34 – Is that the hook in the Wheat Thin commercial? People acting like dogs?
9:37 – Doreen: “I’m going to get my culinary point of view across. What is it? I’m complex, but I can tie it all together. How is it tied together? I don’t know, it’s just tied together. Trust me. Look! I’m not furrowing my brow!”
9:40 – Bob: “Simply complex – there’s a show that we’re not going to do.” Thank you, Bob. Sometimes you can believe what they say, but only when it’s super obvious.
9:50 – Bob: “So Tom. WTF were you thinking dude.”
9:52 – Artie: “From now on, I am believing in myself” – This is probably the best thing that I could hope for. I can’t wait for next week when she busts out the ukelele and gets booted. Actually, I kind of like making fun of her. I’d rather see team Artie go down in flames later in the season.
9:52 – Didn’t you win something meaning ful if you won the challenges last year? This year, you get a pat on the back. Not even a gold star. What’s the deal? I want to see people playing for an actual reason, not just applause and praise.
9:54 – If I hear that guy say “I didn’t like your cupcake; It suuuhhcked,” again, I’m going to send him a nasty tweet or something else very rude. Can you really take him seriously after that soundbite?
9:58 – In fantasy NFNS, I’m one for two – totally picked Doreen getting booted second. Just awful. And the Celtics are up eight. I don’t see Dzintra staying on this show for another week. How do you criticize yourself out loud and expect to star in your own show? Dzammit Dzintra!