Ess-A-Bagel – Plate 34

You know that all these restaurants are comping the meals, yes? So I have the responsibility of a little bit of decorum in talking about each of the restaurants I go to. If something is bad, I’ll call it a skip, advise ordering something else, highlight a must have on the menu. If I swear, I edit it out, if I fumble over words, I edit it out. If there’s something that is odd or out of place, I might comment on it, but I certainly won’t highlight it in a video.

Then you come across gems like these. I think I might be getting some poor old guy fired by publishing this, but here goes (the fun starts around the 50 second mark):

Bill was the highlight of my day (I’m writing this at 6:48 AM on the 13th, so I can confirm this). Bill gave us carte blanche on saying anything and everything we pleased in the interview because nothing was going to be as raunchy as what he gave us (I already told the black cock joke twice).

But it wasn’t just Bill:

“I don’t care about the flavor, I just want the freshest bagel you have,” I said

“Our bagels aren’t fresh,” said Michael, “they’re very polite.”

Now there are a lot of reasons why you should visit Ess-A-Bagel, The fresh lox, the thick, hot bagels, bermuda onions (maybe this is just a fancy term for the red onion Bill hit us with, but either way, I was impressed). My friend “Mike S.” on Yelp reviewed Ess-A-Bagel (link) reviewed:

Essa very good bagel. They are fresh and steamy when you get them in the morning. I will cut it open and steam the wrinkles out of my shirt when I get to the office. Keeps me looking fresh and bagely.

I stay with a friend in the city who lives a block away from the 21st st location, and the bagels are always some of my favorite in the city, but for the true flavor of Ess-A-Bagel, I think you need to go to the 5th Ave location. It was like a vaudeville show crashed into a Jewish Deli. Zach and I loved it. I’ll be back if only to talk to Bill.

Oh come on, you know I’m getting a bagel.

Guest Writer: Zachary Cohen

The IRL Arts Foundation and The Wandering Foodie thank Ess-A-Bagel for providing this meal.

Ess-A-Bagel
831 3rd Ave
New York, NY 10022
(212) 980-1010